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Amity, as you know, means friendship

Posts tagged the onion

Jul 31 '14
"Like Fifty Shades, Old Fashioned is the story of the meek giving themselves over to a powerful sociopath who randomly inflicts suffering—their reward being the kingdom of heaven, which is the ultimate in really nice apartments."
Jul 20 '14
Perfect shirt for today.

Perfect shirt for today.

Feb 11 '14
"Citing the fact that you just made eye contact with her and doing so again right away might come across as creepy, a new report released today has confirmed that it’s still too soon to glance back at the attractive person behind you. “Play it cool and wait a second; she’s not going anywhere,” read the report, adding that, “Okay, fine, you can take a quick peek, but don’t linger any longer than you have to.” “Wait, never mind, you shouldn’t have done that. Shit, yeah, definitely not. She looks uncomfortable. Wow, you blew it. You really, really blew it.” The report also confirmed that it doesn’t really matter since you’re too much of a chickenshit to talk to her anyway."
Feb 9 '14
Sep 16 '13
"After less than two months of waiting, the nation was informed this morning that the location of America’s latest mass shooting is a navy yard. “It’s a navy yard in Washington, D.C.,” a federal law enforcement official said during a press conference, adding that U.S. citizens should envision the typical scenes of chaos and bloodshed they’ve become familiar with, but this time imagine them happening in a navy yard."
Sep 12 '13
Jul 12 '13
"It’s absolute fucking bullshit,” Serota continued. “I can’t believe they’re just allowed to get away with that."
Jun 18 '13
"While Zack Snyder’s Man Of Steel has endured some criticism from the way it deviates from the established Superman character, it’s earned praise for the way it shows Superman absolutely trashing a city with little disregard for the human cost, thus keeping with Superman’s familiar motto, “Truth, Justice, and the Americans who got in the way.”"
Mar 11 '13
"They say that home is where the heart is, but little do they know about the metal box, the bloody towels, and the crosscut saw beneath the floorboards."
Feb 7 '13
Dec 14 '12
"Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle—a fucking combat rifle, Jesus—walked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live."
Oct 29 '12

The Onion offers tips on how to protect your kids on Halloween a.k.a. Pedophiles’ Christmas.

Oct 29 '12
theonion:

Full Story.

Accurate.

theonion:

Full Story.

Accurate.

Sep 30 '12
Dec 17 '11